I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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