You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
