I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
