Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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