im gay
i know
yea but for you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
