party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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