She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He passed out mid-signature
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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