I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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