we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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