youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
