I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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