I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
