Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My vagina just clenched in fear
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
