After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
