You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
