I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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