pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
now i know why i became what i already was.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
