So drunk, too bad you don't want this
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
