Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
