wat bout pragnant strippers??
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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