I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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