the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You took a bar mat shot.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
