I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
