This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
