Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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