I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
hell yes lets make some ravioli
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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