If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
