Got a toothbrush?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
