I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
