The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
