We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
