i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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