Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just invented taco cereal.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize