i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
