I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize