She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
