Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
