in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
