the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
