Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm passing your future prison.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
