first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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