The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
