SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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