I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
