So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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