at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
