I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My vagina is officially offended.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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