You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
