Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
