I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
