I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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