4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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