I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
