At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
