Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
