where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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