a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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