If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
