she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
