I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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