and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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