So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
