well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
