I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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