I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
