Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
