They should really pass out barf bags in church
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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